My Partner Pulls Away, Could they be Avoidant?

Am I Avoidant?

https://youtu.be/qCLSSHTffzQ

There are various reasons why someone may pull away within a relationship e.g feeling emotionally overwhelmed by the relationship/closeness, anxieties, fear, self-doubt or not sure about the relationship.

Why Do I Pull Away OR Hold On Too Tight?

• Understanding your attachment style is the first step to building healthier, more secure connections.

•   💞 Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment Styles

• Attachment theory explains how early experiences shape our relationship behaviors. Here’s a simple breakdown of two common insecure styles: anxious and avoidant.

• 🧠 1. Anxious Attachment Style

• Core Fear: Abandonment or being "too much"

• Common Traits:

• Craves closeness and constant reassurance

• Fears being rejected or left

• Overthinks messages or silence

• Struggles with trusting a partner’s love

• May become clingy or “people-pleasing” to avoid conflict

• Rooted in: Inconsistent caregiving. Love felt unpredictable growing up.

• Relationship Patterns:

• Attracted to avoidant types

• May feel emotionally “high” when things are good, and “crash” when there's distance

• Can struggle with emotional regulation

  
  

  ❄️ 2. Avoidant Attachment Style

  
  

  Core Fear: Losing independence or being emotionally vulnerable

  
  

  Common Traits:

  • Values space and self-reliance

  • Feels overwhelmed by emotional closeness

  • May shut down or pull away during conflict

  • Finds it hard to express feelings or ask for support

  • Can appear emotionally distant or unavailable

• Rooted in: Emotionally unavailable or overly demanding caregivers.

  
  

  Relationship Patterns:

  • May view partners as “too needy”

  • Often feels suffocated by emotional demands

  • Tends to minimize their own needs

• When the pulling away happens, chasing may not be The right approach for an avoidant individual, it will create resentment, anger and bitterness because the person needs to re-energise 

• And if the person is angry, they often take longer to process , therefore, your constant communication will feel like nagging and further  create annoyances exacerbating the situation. 

• Whilst waiting for them to come around , you need to learn to self- regulate, be aware of things within your control and those beyond your control. You only have control over your thoughts, emotions and behaviour not that of others.

• Use journaling to process your thoughts and emotions

• Use mindfulness, go for a walk, go to the gym

• Notice your triggers and focus on positive things and support systems around you. 

• Ruminating and stressing about the situation will not make it disappear. 

❤️ If you’re ready to break old patterns and create more secure relationships, counselling can help. With the right support and self-awareness, you can build stronger, healthier connections starting with yourself.

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